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The World's Worst E-Mail
Prepare yourself. What follows will likely leave you with even less faith in your fellow man than you came in with. Below is presented, in the form of feedback e-mails received since the last update of World's Worst, the most appalling display of dementia, psychosis, and just plain disregard for the English language that many of you will ever see. What you are about to read is so horrible, even the strong-willed among you may find themselves losing control of all bodily functions. Which may leave you to wonder how it is that I did not long ago require institutionalization. The answer is simple: ever since I learned of the existence of the third Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen video game, I have had no faith in you people whatsoever. That experience left me thankfully immune to the kind of mad ramblings on display here. Anyway, you were warned. -- Perc
Subject: TFWW Feedback
Date: Mon, 8 Nov 1999 21:06:47 EST
From: TFWWHater@aol.com
You guys had better update the WWNP, or else....
Plus, what's with the WWSS, i'm getting sick of seeing that dumb megatron shot.... But that new mastercard ad is cool, and those ask a transformer things are neat.
I'm not a hater of you guys, just, um, misunderstood i guess.
TFWW Hater
[You hate us?! We'd better comply with your request immediately then! -- Perc]
Subject: TFWW Feedback
Date: Tue, 9 Nov 1999 18:52:47 -0500
From: "Margee Shane" <mshane@agate.net>
Why Aren`t there
any Appliacons?! You know things like light swicthes. I wanna see on/off the
light switch, sss, the iron, Heat-coil, the microwave, Drip, the coffe pot,
And Finnally...
Pie-Baker (mmmmm... Pie.) the oven!!! I wanna see these NOW!
[Unfortunately, our ability to manufacture stupid toys on demand cannot match our ability to manufacture stupid fans spontaneously. -- Perc]
Subject: TFWW
Feedback
Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2000 19:08:03 -0600
From: BRAD LYNCH <kazz.lynch@worldnet.att.net>
Hello, I just want to tell you guys that you're doing a very good job with your site and to keep it up. If you ever need another member, just inquire.
Sean.
Webmaster of almost 15 previous self made sites
[When you finish the fifteenth, give us a call. We're always looking for new morons to beat up. -- Perc]
Subject: TFWW Feedback
Date: Sun, 9 Jul 2000 12:19:22 EDT
From: HiFlyingReindeer@aol.com
I love your stuff, but what's going on with the News and Ask a TF. They haven't been there recently. Let me guess...it's the girlfriend ain't it. They're always the problem
[That bitch. -- Perc]
Subject: TFWW Feedback
Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000 20:06:52 EDT
From: Sib969@aol.com
I know that usuaully you don't write the fanfics but there might be some problems with the fanfics that i might be posting on the alt.toys.transformers.fanfic newsgroup. My fanfics will be able to be identified by <L.W.> in the subject. The first five fanfics are actual continuations of each other while later fanfic’s are just continuing the story of course. These fanfics are intended to be humorous and the format and several jokes are borrowed from TFWW. I absolutely love TFWW and I am not spoofing you, I just wanted to write similiar fanfics. I know that sounds kinda lame and lazy, but I liked some of your ongoing jokes and wanted to incorporate them into my fanfics. Also since these fanfics borrow jokes from TFWW they also are based in your timeline, think of it as an alternate universe timeline. These fanfics take place after the Abebird saga and unfortunately the Skidders never went skidding and Roadkill has been brought back, there might be other similarites as well. If anyone from TFWW has a problem with me writing the fanfics or I’m infringing on a copyright of yours just inform me and I’ll stop. This first fanfic is just a prologue and is not supposed to be major story, it's kind of just a fanfic with several ongoing jokes. It's kind of a sampler, but I think it's okay.
[Though it may cause your teeth to shatter and your eyeballs to actually shoot out of their sockets, I feel it is important that I do not keep the following masterwork for myself alone. -- Perc]
Now onto...
Party at Prime’s:
A Prologue
Part 0 of 5
Megatron: Decepticons retreat! No, wait that's not it. (Deep Voice) Decepticons
retreat! No that's not it either.
Skywarp: What are you doing?
Megatron: Practicing.
Skywarp: You're practicing our retreat call before we go into battle?
There is a short silence then Megatron shoots Skywarp. Scorponok dies.
Meanwhile at the Autobot base...
Prime: Drop that! Hey give me that back!
All of the other Autobots have broken into Prime's room and he's trying to kick them out.
Kup: So this is where my viagra went.
Blaster: Hey look at all the junk food he's got in here. Let's have a party!
Blaster transforms into a boom box and starts playing Indian rap music.
Tracks: Hey cutie want to dance?
Bumblebee: Eeeewwwwww! Get away from me!
Skids: I'll dance with you?
Tracks: Who said that? Show me where you are.
Skids: I'm right here.
Ironhide: Pr'ahm how come you've got pictures of me in here?
Prime: Those aren't pictures of you, those are pictures of the toaster.
Cliffjumper: Traitor! You've got secret e-mails on your computer from Megatron!
Tracks: Let me see. (Tracks looks at the screen) You dog!
Suddenly Megatron bursts into the room.
Megatron: Decepticons retreat!
The Decepticons look at each other. Megatron turns to Skywarp.
Megatron: See the practice payed off.
Skywarp shakes his head, the Decepticons leave.The Autobots seemed not to have noticed the Decepticons.
Prime: All right everybody out!
Prime pushes everybody out of the room and closes the door.
Prime: Who are you? How'd you get in here?
Skids: I'm Skids the Autobot everybody forgets that's nothing but a bad repaint of Ironhide.
Prime: Oh right.
Prime still looks confused. Skids leaves.
Prime: All right you can come out now.
All of the Beast Wars characters come out from Prime's closet.
Cheetor: I'd thought they'd never leave.
Prime: Hey who brought him along? Nobody said he could come!
Everybody turns and looks at Echiowarrior.
Rattrap: Yeah, who invited you?
Prime and the Beast Wars characters blow up Echiowarrior. Scorponok dies.
Primal: Now let's party!
Prime turns away in digust.
Prime: I told you to stop doing that.
Rhinox: We can't take you anywhere Optimus.
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Epilogue
Megatron: Didn't you see there faces they really belived I was sincere.
Skywarp: All you said was "reatreat"! And even that was half-assed.
Megatron: You just don't understand, that's while you'll never become leader.
Skywarp: Screw this I'll just become one of Popeman's cardinals.
Megatron: Fine you do that.
Skywarp: I will
Megatron: Good
Skywarp: Good
Shockwave enters the room with a jellybean jar on his barrel.
Shockwave: Little help.
Megatron: Oh for the love of...
[Wow, if you've read this, you don't have to bother reading any actual WWFFs. You've just heard every joke we've ever made squeezed into one hundredth of the space. And executed flawlessly, I might add. -- Perc]
Subject: TFWW
Feedback
Date: Fri, 26 Jan 2001 15:18:01 EST
From: Opt1298459@aol.com
why dont u update yur freakn page
Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2001 15:25:16 EDT
hello, please
finish the fic saga 3, the end simply says to be continued but
it dosent so please finish it
Date: Tue, 8 May 2001 19:17:11 EDT
UPDATE YOUR PAGE GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!!
Date: Mon, 3 Sep 2001 19:29:33 EDT
why do you not update your page
[Evidence of the ebbs and flows of sheer stupidity. -- Perc]
Subject: TFWW
Feedback
Date: Sun, 03 Jun 2001 21:44:46 -0700
From: "Jason Fabrick" <jfabrick@qwest.net>
hi. i like your web site. i have a spoof story i downloaded form a web site a few years ago about wing commander 4 that's very funny. if your interested in reading it, if your a wc fan, i can send it to you. it's in about 32 different html pages all totaling less than 1.4 mb.
[A Wing Commander 4 story? And it's funny?! I've got to see this! Meet me in the alley behind the sewage treatment plant, and we'll talk. -- Perc]
Subject: TFWW Feedback
Date: Sun, 21 Oct 2001 04:05:39 -0400 (EDT)
From: twisted_soul91@hotmail.com (Joseph McKinlay)
woah.
[Holy crap, Keanu Reeves is a TransFan! -- Perc]
Subject: Please read this.
Date: Tuesday, November 27, 2001 6:13 PM
From: Mr. Mindgamez <slainbrain@yahoo.com>
Hello.
If you'll let me, I would like to try my hand at your "ask a transformer" section. I know you shut it down after 1 too many stupid questions, but I am more than prepared to deal with idiots. I have to help students in my class do their times tables in 11th grade!
Plus I just want to slam people who ask stupid questions.
Have a nice day.
-D. Mindgamez
[SLAM. -- Perc]
Subject: TFWW
Date: Thursday, November 29, 2001 4:17 PM
From: YuAnosov@aol.com <YuAnosov@aol.com>
Who and what made Starscream gay? ( and im geting confused, is he gay or not?)
Optimus Prime
[But Optimus, you made him gay. Don't you remember? If not, we have it all on tape. -- Perc]
Subject: TFWW Feedback
Date: Tuesday, February 05, 2002 4:43 AM
From: NeoGuyverX <neoguyverx@hotmail.com>
Do you accept submissions for ur "WORLDS WORST SCREENSHOTS" b'cause here is one taekrn out of contect, lol
[Don't take this out of context: you're a moron. -- Perc]
Subject: TFWW Feedback
Date: Thursday, February 14, 2002 9:35 PM
From: Ccchrissyms6@aol.com <Ccchrissyms6@aol.com>
precepter it,s optimus im alive right now contact the autobots now call for rodimus we need his help right away.signed second in command ultramagnus
[Don't you read our fanfics? No one would bother to save Ultra Magnus. We can't deal with that now. Of course, you're not Ultra Magnus, you're another moron. -- Perc]
Questions, comments, complaints? E-mail PerceptorTFWW (the one with the TFWW)
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Hasbro, Inc. All other trademarks are the property of their respective holders. The
proprietary content of this web site is intended as parody and is for private use only.
Copyright 1998-2002 Jason Golieb