Dear Transformers,

1) There is a crazed, right-wing army colonel trying to take over the world by pumping all the data out of my computer and uploading it to a dysfunctional sattelite. I think he's trying to beam it to aliens from the planet Tyrol. What should i do? 2) I want to ask Ken Shamrock out, but every time I try, he goes crazy and beants me up. What should I do? 3) Why is the room going around and around?

Elvis McBashem


Red Alert Responds:

Dear Elvis McBashem,

A...crazed, right-wing army colonel?!? Oh no! It's the day I've been dreading for millions of years! Battle stations! For the love of God, BATTLE STATIONS!



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