Dear Transformers,

Oh Primus, there are drones after me and everybody's missing and this guy in a metal robe controls everything and I can't transform and there's this Oracle thingy telling me to get reformatted and if I don't I'll go offline and I can't figure out if I like strawberry flavored energon over chocolate flavored energon and I'm confused and I can't remember anything and I'm totally out of character and I'm on a new TV series on Fox Kids and it's driving me crazy because I wanna see Blackarachnia without a torso plate on and I'm writing an extremely long run on sentence and whatta I do whatta I do whatta I do??

Trapped on Cybertron

Optimus Primal Responds:

Dear Trapped on Cybertron,

Calm down, soldier. Focus. Just say...I am transformed. I like strawberry. I am not out of character. I do not want to see Blackarachnia in the nude...